*there she goes my beautiful world!*
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Learning Journey>
It's a nice wednesday without chinese orchestra practice but with Learning Journey instead of.Went to Civil Defence Heritage Gallery located at city hall, knew a bit more about the history of fire fighting development in Singapore.
Min hwee asked why I always sound sad in blog... huh? Do I? Sometimes just come here to complain...^_^
Perhaps these days I constantly feel depressed, as I read through some people' s blogs... Should I think so much? Empty thoughts. hmmm..I may think something more meaningful and good for myself.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
K's pictures>
K took these pictures during the US trip, I like them very much.
And to K: Happy birthday, baby...
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Rules and Regulations>
Rules and Regulations
Various rules and regulations are bothering me like hell these days. After I got caught by the hostel management for the second time, I actually turned to think a lot about human rights, personality, adaptability, rigidity, temperaments and so on. Sometimes I feel the rules are inappropriate and lack of logic.
For example, I don’t see the reason the hostel office asks boarders to return their keys and access cards when they go back home during school holidays. It causes inconvenience for the boarders especially when they come back in the early morning and the office is not open. The office people gave an absurd reason for asking for keys and the cards, they said they might want to rearrange the rooms during holiday when the new boarders come. Anyone see the point? How could they rearrange when the boarder is not moved out yet? As if the office holding the key they are holding the security.
The hostel management has the right to reject all your applications. They could easily tell you the request is unacceptable because it’s not valid, but in fact we poles apart definition on “valid”. We are require to submit “late-coming-back” form and “staying-out” form in two days advance, and during the two days waiting, they will try their best to prove that your reason is not valid. This usually happens when you are going to somewhere not in your school.
Nobody wants to take the responsibilities and they just minimize the chance for boarders going out to stay or coming back late. Once I was stuck at the hostel gate since nobody wanted to give me the permission of staying out. The teacher on duty informed my teacher mentor, and my teacher mentor immediately informed the hostel mistress, she appeared in front of me but couldn’t find a way to stop me since my excuse was so “valid” and even they believed so. However she simply informed the hostel master and office manager, in the end, everyone was aware that I was going out to stay on the day. I should have told them the probability of me being murdered is really very low and if I lost my way to come back I am capable to solve the problem since I know how to dial 999.
I don’t have the intention to be a staying-out queen in the hostel and I tried my best not to break the rules, I sign forms before I go out, I surrender my hostel pass when there is necessary, but the time I had done one step they asked for another. For staying out, they asked for parents’ letter, guardian’s letter, I submitted, they still asked for MOE letter and school letter. I was not going to somewhere far for a long period. What they had asked for is superfluous.
And they have the rights to do what they want to. They enter our rooms for checking without our permission and didn’t even put a notice saying that they may enter our room. All I feel is my privacy is no longer an issue when I am here as a boarder. Even my parents are supposed to ask for permission to enter for checking! And the one who has checked my room even pasted a note on my door saying that I should put my luggage in the store room, should clean the hairs in the washroom and so on. I’m not allowed to arrange my things in the way I like. and years before they even restricted the type of posters you paste on the wall in your room.
It maybe right to say that I’m responsible to be a good student and I’m supposed to submit good academic results to MOE since they pay for my studies, but when it comes to regulate my personal lifestyle, I just can’t accept. The hostel management even threaten us by saying they will send letters to MOE if we break the rules. The time they found their notice board had been scribbled by someone, they made an announcement to warn the someone that if he/she is not come out to admit his/her scholarship will be terminated. What a powerful warning , they always think the scholars in the hostel are offered too much, and they are good for trading, all the rights are reserved for MOE. Our money supplier, our boss. OMG.
My teacher mentor criticized me about being impudent to the office manager, I’m sorry I can’t be sober whenever I feel my legal freedom is restricted. I’m appreciate to the teachers’ concern about our safety, perhaps there is something wrong with I myself, for being disobedient and rebellious, and spoke to teachers in a harsh tone.
When they try to counsel me, I should just keep silent, and never argue back I’m just very polite, I listened to them and sometimes I even argued. Why didn’t I show an ignorant face and just do nodding, it’s no harm to do that because I don’t have other ways to protect my self-esteem either.
There are something I’m pretty sure about, firstly, I’m not a kid like what they treat me as. Secondly, I do not need counseling, I teach myself by experiences to live a way.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Cinderalla>
Went to Newsroom on wednesday, the second time sitting at the same place, old memories were brought out. Remember you put your arm around my waist in the dark, I was so nervous.
Didn't drink much and didn't feel like dancing either, the Vodka Orange was not that nice at The liquidroom, and we went back before 12, the middle of the night.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Decision>
I don't like making decision sometimes, either because of I dunno how or it's not for me to decide. If my decision is not gonna affect anything, I'd rather do nothing.In fact I believe that making decision connects with one's personality, most of the decision makers are bossy and they are used to make decisions,they even decide things when they ask for opinion from people, it's unconsciously.One example, there are several ways of asking a person whether he/she needs something. Decision makers ask in this way:" I'm buying ...do you want?" I usually ask in this way, "Do you want...?I may buy for you." See the difference? if you don't see, you probably are a decision maker. How about me? Sometimes I can be a decision maker, but most of the time, I'm a trouble maker.External pressureI'm talking about another issue here, namely "external pressure".It's regarding my current relationship, as it goes,lots of problems came out, not between my partner and me, but come from external sides.Friends ,family and so on.It seems it's easy to be in love but hard to be involved in a relationship, (of course it's harder to be in marriage then and it's not in my level yet.)Now I understand why Fox broke up with his ex girlfriend even though they were still madly in love.I suddenly feel stressed because of all these external factors,even told my partner about it,and I found what we could do is limited.And my partner said : too bad, the reality is different.Therefore I have a conclusion here, love is not equal to relationship.But isn't it nicer to have your beloved one around? And now I shall say what the first part I talked about are just nonsense, this time even though I know my decision won't affect much,in spite of these external pressure,still I decide to be with my partner.ChangeMaybe I'm writing this part to my partner...When we come to be together, there are increased oppoturnities for us to influence each other,these changes are likely to bring us closer, I'm glad.However, I don't mean to totally change you, or when I see some changes starting cause troubles for you, I feel upset and guilty.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Buddy>
I'm glad that Hanwen came to visit us today, she's the best buddy among all, always being friendly and cheerful, hope she will find a higher paid job soon.
March holiday is coming soon, seems most people around are stressed out,was telling Hanwen in fact I could feel the stress strongly long time ago, and she gave me a smile, said, don't be stressed, things will be fine. It's just like everybody else will tell me, things will be fine, be strong etc... but it's different when comes from Hanwen's mouth, I was just cheered up by her. Then I walk with her to the opposite side of school, wished to give her a hug when she walked away.
It's really great having friends around.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Being a perfect slacker>
STUDY LESS and you will get a better grade...
This is what I understood from this morning's A level analysis. I was also aware that if you have depression you may have a higher chance to do well in exams, and if you don't take prelims you will be in a better condition sitting for A level...
All above are craps, but they came out from those 4AS students' mouths. Or I should adoubt my ability of understanding simple English?
Being a perfect slacker is always my dream.
Oh well, I did badly in today's chemistry practical exam, it's A Level exam,OMG.I was not qualified to be a crystal producer.
Friday, March 04, 2005
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?>
I decided to choose a dry course in university.