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Monday, November 20, 2006

A Love Story>

I get to be jealous easily, this time, the jealousy came from her past love story. It took quite long for her to fall in love with me and to be assured of this love, I struggled, took some time to wait and to think of whether I should keep waiting. She finally gave up her ex and chose me, I was some kind of third party, the ex never stop cursing me. I feel sorry, but I didn't have chance to appologise, in fact, it is not necessary since she's full of hatred.
They didn't quarrel to part, even saw each other for movie the week after, until the day the ex found out that she's actually very close to me already. The ex found someone else shortly after their breakup, we both wish the ex will be fine since we both feel guilty. But what the hell is guilty? Neither of us should feel so. I did take away something, but I didn't steal. Now, I found that myself became a victim, I had this dream for 3 times, the ex takes her back, and I lost my everything, then I become the one who's full of hatred and curse others. Yes I'm scared. I'm not confident enough because I came out from nowhere, I'm a foreigner, this sounds stupid, but it is still valid, especially on this island.
They had happy times together, that's why until now I still don't feel very secure, sometimes when I read their old writings, I feel so jealous, they really loved each other so much, that kind of passion and romance, will never show again. This is what she told me. She's not gonna do any thing crazy like before, simply because of she grew up, she loves me maturely. I enjoy her mature love, yet still quetioning why I don't deserve a crazy love.
And one thing unpleasant happened today, something about my nickname, I used to call myself "banshee", aspiration from a poem. The ex spent her Halloween in London and she happened to hear people say this word, she mocked my name, said that" Who on the earth would love a ghost?". I didn't know London people also use this word, because it comes from Irish legend. I didn't feel offended, I'm totally fine with this nickname, I should go and tell the ex that I once used the nickname " ghost " as well. I'm fascinated with things human beings always imagine but never take control over them. And the ex probably doesn't know that actually there's a band called " Siousie & Banshees".
I really had a difficult period when I just got her, no one blessed me, she's the only one who stood at my side. But I didn't care, I love bravely, my love is legal. And now she's sleeping on my bed like a baby, I'm not the one who supposed to feel jealous.

# posted by Viviangore | 2:24:00 AM

1 Comments:

it's so strange but it feels so real, each time i get jealous about your past too. i didnt feel guilty, i did what was right for me, which i shld have done much earlier, & maybe the damage to my ex wouldnt be so great. but i guess life works this way at times, i have to go back & forth & deliberate, wreck my heart & soul before i know what it is exactly i want. & i want u so much.

i used to imagine & think what problems there may be if we were together, but such excuses are meant for the unsure. i've never been so sure until i asked u to be my gf, & finally release myself of a responsibility that i can no longer hold - what i share with my ex was turing into a lie & i'm not proud of that. now i am very brave when u're with me, whenever we meet 'problems', i actively confront them. And because i believe there is a solution for everything, they do not pose as a problem at all. we may quarrel & cry, but for me those are important moments that are whorthwhile, because u are worth everything to me.

i always say i had happy times with my ex, & i say that politely. i am not the sort who enjoys being ungrateful & start spitting nonsense abt an ex after we've broken up. What u & i have right now, is far beyond just happy times. u are the one who makes my heart race, makes me go crazy, makes me cry & makes me laugh. nobody else can do that, & u are irreplacable.

u deserve the love u crave. & if i cant live up to that expectation, i dun deserve u. part of my reason for not being so 'crazy' & so 'romantic', is because i always think u're more mature than me, & u might laugh at what i do, & not appreciate it. i'm less confident now, coz at times u're so right & i'm so wrong, & i'm completely at a loss for words. u can be unpredictable, but u excite me so much.

once in a while i need to be reminded that u're also a little girl at heart, & u desire romance like u once did many years ago with your first love, & u still desire that now. let me blow u away this christmas. kisses. ^_^

By Anonymous, at 11:28 PM