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Sunday, November 27, 2005
I'll Miss You>
i thought I was gonna treasure everything I had in JC. I was wrong. Everything is so unreal now, after exams, I can't remember those sweet or sad moments. During the exams, i've attended some ASEAN scholars' birthday party, ended up i brought back a frustrated me. how i wish i really can be part of them. but i felt i was so extra. the same feeling is triggered when i am in class. I tried to treat everyone nicely, sincerely, but many of them would consider my "unknown" background and the totally different culture. so, lots of things i'm supposed to treasure here are just bubbles.
Why would i ask them to write autogragh? to remember this "friendship"? yes, correct, as if who bothers to remember? as if who cares about when are you leaving and when are you come back? I've never attend my class outing, i have valid reasons, not because of i'm unwilling to. the same for this time, the last class chalet, i won't be present. in fact no one would care. there is gap between them and me.
I don't belong to any group now, i often question myself why this is happening, but i never have an answer. I can't possibly turn to be neutral to everything, less sharp or less sensitive. it's my nature to be sensitive to ignorance. i've been quiet through out these years, but it doesn't mean i dare not speak up. people may think i'm odd, that's why they can't really get closer to me. i appreciate friendship, i hope my friends appreciate it too.
I want to stay here, though lots of people are going somewhere else. actually i only have one reason to feel i belong to this place, which is my darling. i wish to stay with my darling forever.
